It can be easy as an outsider to say that you are not in a healthy relationship but when you are actually inside of the relationship it can be harder to really separate your emotions and your judgment apart. Sometimes you just need some relationship advice from an outsider to see it clearly.

The trick is once you recognize these signs you have to admit them to yourself. You have to remove your emotions and take a long hard look at what’s really going on.

Instead of just trying to comprehend it yourself try using tools like writing it down to visually see what’s happening or talking to a friend and having them tell you what they see – and picture it from their point of view. Use whatever tool that helps you to remove yourself from the situation that gives you a new perspective on things.

Here are 6 signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship:

1. You Are Below the Friendship Level of Relating – Almost in The Acquaintance Area

Friendships are open and honest and they are full of communication and shared experiences.

Intimate relationships should be one step above that. They include sexual relations and a closeness that friendships just don’t have.

You may be in this area if you are the only one who wants to talk, have sex, go out, socialize, be together, and so on and so forth. Your partner is never on the same page as you and you feel like you are in the relationship alone.

A healthy relationship will have a balance between doing your own thing and being together as a unit. A strong couple talks about everything and anything and does not hide anything from the other person.

They are honest and open with each other and fill each other in on other aspects of their life like work, social events, friendships etc….If you are the only one who wants to share everything with your partner while they would rather just do their own thing then you are in more of an acquaintance friendship then a relationship.

If you feel like your relationship is below the friendship level then your relationship needs some work.

2. You Feel Abused In Any Way, Shape, or Form

There’s emotional and physical abuse and they both take on many different shapes – but they should not be present in your relationship at all.

For example, you may expect your boss to make you feel like you don’t know what you are doing (even though it’s not right) but when you come home from work your partner should be your shoulder to lean on and make you feel better about yourself. They should not be someone who adds more salt to the wound.

Your partner should always be the one who lifts you up and pushes you forward. They should be on your side and help you get through things that other people wouldn’t.

If your partner is making you feel bad in any way…that’s not healthy and needs to be eliminated from the relationship right now.

3. You Feel Less Important Than Others To Them.

You should be number one on their list as you are the person who is supposed to be the most intimate with and closest to.

If you feel like their co-workers, friends, neighbours – whoever,  is more important then you are then you may want to rethink the relationship.

Yes, of course, they can be close to other people, but if they make you feel less important than other people that’s a deal breaker.

If their friend constantly comes before your relationship or your needs then let them be with their friend and find someone who is going to put your first.

If you are being abused in some way by their family and they don’t stick up for you then you need to set them straight that you shouldn’t be treated like that.

You are their partner on a level like no other and you deserve to be number one on their list.

4.  You Are Not Happy In The Relationship

This is a huge sign. Bells should be ringing here! Your partner may be perfect and loving and caring and there for you and….you just are not happy. This is your minds sub-conscious way of saying “This is probably not for us”.

Many people stay in relationships because there is nothing wrong with them and they are comfortable but at the same time they are not happy and joyful and they realize that their relationship does not make them happy. This is not healthy for you or your relationship.

Life is meant to be lived! Really living life makes you feel good and happy and joyful to experience each day with a few ‘Blah’ days thrown in here and there.

Do you have more ‘Blah’ days then not with your partner?

I think the best way to know for sure is if you can’t get it out of your head. Trust your instincts that are screaming at you day after day.

If you want to try to fix it and see if that helps then get some help. Read the self help books, talk to other people, keep searching for the answer that will give you an insight into what you really want – but don’t ever settle for ‘Blah’.

5. You are Excessively Dependent on the Relationship

If you find yourself unable to live without talking, seeing, or thinking about your partner it may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

An intimate relationship with someone should make you feel safe and secure together and as if you always have someone on your side there for you but it should not make you feel like you can’t do anything unless they are around or are aiding you in some way.

I’m not saying that being together all the time is a bad thing but not being able to function without your partner at all times is.

You have to live your own life and include your partner in it. Even if you have the same values, beliefs, and goals – you still have separate bodies and minds which dictate your next step or move.

6. You Are Trying To Conform To What You Think They Want

If you are normally a loud and outgoing person but you pretend to be quiet and meek while they are around then you are essentially lying to them and yourself.

No relationships should consist of lies or betrayals and pretending to be someone you are not is on the top of that list. You owe it to them and to yourself to be who you are and be proud of who you are.

The real you will come out eventually and it will most likely cause anger, hurt, and a possible breakup. Avoid that and just be real from the beginning.

I recently received an email from a woman who said she was feeling severe distance from her husband. She asked me to tell her the “signs” that would warn her that her husband wanted a divorce. I answered by explaining that while I could give her some common behaviors that men exhibit when they “check out of a marriage,” all men are different and all men have a different level of personal commitment. What would be unbearable to one man and warrant a divorce may be seen as just something to work on for another. With that said, in this article, I will discuss warning signs that a husband often gives off or exhibits when he has emotionally checked out of your marriage. Whether this means he wants a divorce or not, will depend upon your husband’s level of commitment. Then, I will tell you how to respond to these warning signs to repair or save the marriage or make it stronger.

Warning Sign Number One: Communication / Conversations Are Shorter And Less Frequent: Emotionally exiting a marriage is probably one of the more deadly precursors to divorce. One very noticeable symptom of this is the break down of intimate, meaningful conversation. You’ll notice that the length of phone calls or talks are shorter and that you generally talk about passive, small talk type topics. Less flirting or light hearted exchanges take place.

You spend less time discussing your feelings, hopes, and dreams and fill your discussions with only the things that need to be discussed or negotiated at the present time.

Of course, marriage is full of things you have to talk about with respect to running a household and for some, raising children, but a red flag should go up if that’s all you are talking about.

Marriage Problem Signal Number Two: You’re Spending Less Time Together: This usually happens so gradually it can be hard to notice or appreciate the full impact of it. But, when significant distance in a marriage is brewing, often people will subconsciously set up being too busy or having too many obligations to fully engage with their wives on a regular basis. Going out just to spend time together or have fun together will become less and less frequent. And, when these things do occur, the atmosphere seems strained, rather than being light hearted and fun.

Big Tip Off Number Three: A Noticeable And Repetitive Lack Of Intimacy: I’m not just talking about sex here, although this can be a big tip off. You’ll likely also notice less hand holding, less thoughtful, intimate stares and gestures, less light hearted hugs, or less thoughtful gestures meant just because or to show you that your husband loves you. Almost always, sex is less frequent or intense as well.

Now, of course there are times when you have obligations and stressful periods where intimacy takes a back seat. But married couples who are deeply in love and very much committed to their marriage find a way to make the time for intimacy as often as they can.

What To Do If You’re Seeing Any Of These Signs That Convince You That Your Husband May Want A Divorce: The best thing to do if you suspect that there is a significant distance in your marriage or if your husband is not as happy in it as you’d like him to be, is to put these feelings on the table. It’s better to bring these feelings into the light than to leave them in the dark and hope they’ll just go away. Tell your husband you’ve noticed a distance and you want to work on making it better. Ask for his input as to how you can make this happen. Educate yourself on methods you can use to make your marriage stronger.

If You’re Husband Has Or Will Ask For A Divorce Or You Think It Is Too Late: The truth is, it’s never too late. And if you are feeling (even slightly) that your husband is unsure about the marriage and wants a divorce, then something is off, whether your suspicions are completely accurate or not. Use this as a wake up call to take action.

And, if you think about it, you already know how a happy relationship with your husband feels. I’d be willing to bet that when you were first dating, both of you lavished a great deal of attention, affection and time upon each other. The result was likely very strong feelings of love, affection, satisfaction, and commitment.

When people are deeply in love, it greatly affects how they feel about themselves. They feel attractive, confident, intelligent, and on top of the world.

Of course, our obligations get in the way of this eventually. We have to turn our attention to our jobs, children, aging parents, responsibilities, etc. This is understandable and every one does it. But, making a committed attempt to being conscious of the cues and signs going on in your marriage can greatly help with this and prompt you to invest more time in it.

It’s important to understand that a husband (and a wife too for that matter) who is getting his needs meet and experiencing the positive feelings about themselves that I mentioned earlier is going to be a lot more committed to staying in the marriage and to making it work because the feelings it elicits are positive and pleasurable. Your job then, is to return the positive feelings to your marriage without being entirely obvious about it. This will in turn return the commitment, affection, and empathy that are needed for a happy marriage.

If your husband is extremely distant and not receptive to you, you’ll have to move more slowly and take tinier baby steps, but the process is the same and is never impossible. It’s never too late, too hard, or too inconvenient to save your marriage. You already laid the foundation when you were dating. If you play your cards right, you can reestablish these behaviors to jump start your marriage and return the positive feelings that will make it reciprocal on both sides.

Unfortunately for me, I ignored a lot of these signs until it was almost too late. Luckily, over time (and taking calculated baby steps), I was able to reestablish intimacy and bring back his love. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com