Making a relationship last is tough work and admittedly no single relationship is perfect. But despite high breakup and divorce rates, many couples do manage to successfully stay together for many years. So what are some secrets and harmonious relationship advice of the longest lasting couples in history? Healthy coupledom is all about communication and healthy conflict, cooperation and a daily dose of simple, uncomplicated romance.

Communication and Healthy Conflict–The Open Relationship

Speaking out about your feelings is perhaps the most important element of any successful relationship, romantic or otherwise. Poor communication leads to cheating, breakups, misunderstandings, suspicion, distrust, indifference and dissatisfaction. If you can’t speak openly about your feelings to your partner, then you are very insecure about your partnership. Frank communication builds trust; couples who trust each other can always rely on each other to tell the truth about everything. Every aspect, from sex to chores, should be freely and honestly discussed. Create an open, non-judgmental policy about every issue in your relationship and encourage each other to talk about your feeling without fear of repercussion, even if opinions don’t coincide.

Disagreements inevitably will happen, but keeping an honest approach to every confrontation you experience will make it much easier to respect each other’s opinions. Fair fighting strengthens a relationship rather than weakens it and encourages each partner to listen. Don’t let things bother you and then explode in a tantrum. If the issue is resolved within 48 hours, don’t raise it again simply out of spite. When engaged in healthy conflict, stick to issues and facts only and avoid baseless accusation, interrupting, raising irrelevant past issues, threats, taunts and insults.

Cooperation–The United Relationship

A couple is made of two people, so if each person has his/her own independent ideas about everything, then you are simply two people keeping each other company and not a couple. Make it a point to have separate activities and interests, but cultivate activities and goals together as a couple as well. Making goals, resolutions, plans for the future, taking up new hobbies, sports, courses or joining clubs together unites your experience together and helps you solidify your common interests. Couples often drift apart over time because they have little in common and go their separate ways, so cement your partnership together by cultivating mutual interests.

Uncomplicated Romance–The Neverending Passionate Relationship

Valentine’s Day is an excellent day to profess your undying love to your soul mate, but romance should be injected daily into the lifeblood of any relationship. Any simple surprise, like a day trip, flowers, chocolates, a trip to a musical, an elegant wine or a handmade and heart-felt card reminds your partner that you are thinking of him or her. Couples break up when the “magic” and passion begins to wane, so a daily reminder that you are thinking of each other, even if only a simple text or email, keeps the spark alive. Be sure to plan out date nights, even if you have been together for a long time or are married, to spend time together as intimate lovers.

If you are married with children, it is especially important to enjoy a date with your mate. Remember that you were partners before you became parents, and that you will revert to being partners after your children grow up and leave home.

We all are in some kind of relationship or another. Dating, looking, engaged or in a long term situation. In each of these scenarios you are making decisions…ones that will affect the future of the relationship. We don’t always make the right choices, but using examples of the couples we admire will keep us more on track and keep less of our egos out of the equation.

Who are the people in your life that you respect most? Just pick two and think about why they are important to you. Is there a couple that you have known in life that epitomizes the perfect relationship? Neighbors, friends or even your own parents? They have made decisions in their lives that made them happy and made an impact on you. When you make your choices about your relationships, will you make these people proud?

We make decisions everyday. Some are based on trying to do our best, but most are based on our ego…what am I going to get from this. After too many disappointing relationships, we tend to seek out the situations that will only benefit ourselves. This is my time… the Hell with everyone else. I want to be fulfilled, I want to be noticed, I want to be heard, I want to have it my way..”I”, “I”, “I”…

Making choices that fill up what is missing from your life and using relationships to build stature for your confidence will not make you happy. It will turn out even worse than ever for you and it is not the kind of decisions that the couple you most admire made. It couldn’t be…they would not still be together. I’m willing to bet that the couple you most admire make decisions only for what is best for the union. They realize that the sum of their union does not equal just 2 but something far greater, far more beautiful and far more rare than most people could ever see. The issues they have within themselves are cured by loving themselves first, and bringing that self love into the relationship. They keep ego out of it and bring the best of themselves to the relationships.

I can’t tell you what decisions to make. After you read this you will do whatever you want. But think of that couple you admire most. Will they be proud of the decisions you make? Will they be proud of how your relationship will turn out? Will you show them the power you possess not only in your public life, but especially your private life? Will you create the love that you deserve and show the world that you have not given up?

Stand up and make the right choices. Be a game-changer and not just a spectator. Show everyone that you have the power over your happiness and success and you know what? You’ll be part of a couple that someone else will admire most. Your life will have meaning and change the future of someone else’s existence.

How do you create an everlasting quality for your relationship today? For nearly 20 years one man, Colin Martin, has searched for and found the number one secret to building an exceptional romantic relationship. The answer doesn’t lie in the endless volumes of self help books and repetitive talk shows…but within yourself!